Glory through the storm

Photo by Daffa Rayhan Zein on

I have been in quite a storm, and the Lord tells me to write about it. I wonder, how could I help someone financially if I have experienced so much of the disaster sides of the dollar. I have experienced what’s felt like hopelessness again, despite my middle name being hope. And he showed me hope is in the deep, it’s not an unreachable line above the waters. 

Last week I sweated in shame, and I wondered for the first time….Lord I tithed, and it appears it didn’t work…yet to my knowledge. Then suddenly, someone who helped me financially make ends meet, said I didn’t need to tithe if I needed to help my family, the Lord understands those times. 

And so pondering that despite what I truly believe, I hadn’t tithed for a few days. However planned in my heart to give that to God ASAP. Then I looked at my statement in January and saw I tithed $100 when I had hardly anything. I don’t recall doing that, however perhaps I did in hope to test the Lord. Regardless, I was desperate afterwards and barely made it work, rescued by my family again who really wanted to bless my kids with clothes. I don’t see how that tithe worked when the money paid rent instead of the intention of giving them clothes. I want to see how God sees in these situations. I am thankful he’s helped me make it work regardless. Even if it’s felt like barely. I don’t mean it as a complaint, just that’s what’s been happening. I wondered if I tithed extra before, would he consider it all towards my immediate tithe.

The truth is he has done so much. I woke up to psalm 107 again! And I was reminded how he has redeemed me. The car he gave me. The promotion. My amazing children hello! Our apartment! Food. Sometimes food is a real miracle. Amazing sleep. My internet turned back on. Laughter. Set me free from drugs and alcohol, eating disorders, and so much more! List what you are thankful for, and what the Lord has done in your life! 

Psalm 107

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good;

    his love endures forever.

Let the redeemed of the Lord tell their story—

    those he redeemed from the hand of the foe,

those he gathered from the lands,

    from east and west, from north and south.

Some wandered in desert wastelands,

    finding no way to a city where they could settle.

They were hungry and thirsty,

    and their lives ebbed away.

Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble,

    and he delivered them from their distress.

He led them by a straight way

    to a city where they could settle.

Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love

    and his wonderful deeds for mankind,

for he satisfies the thirsty

    and fills the hungry with good things.


Some sat in darkness, in utter darkness,

    prisoners suffering in iron chains,


because they rebelled against God’s commands

    and despised the plans of the Most High.


So he subjected them to bitter labor;

    they stumbled, and there was no one to help.


Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble,

    and he saved them from their distress.


He brought them out of darkness, the utter darkness,

    and broke away their chains.


Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love

    and his wonderful deeds for mankind,


for he breaks down gates of bronze

    and cuts through bars of iron.


Some became fools through their rebellious ways

    and suffered affliction because of their iniquities.


They loathed all food

    and drew near the gates of death.


Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble,

    and he saved them from their distress.


He sent out his word and healed them;

    he rescued them from the grave.


Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love

    and his wonderful deeds for mankind.


Let them sacrifice thank offerings

    and tell of his works with songs of joy.


Some went out on the sea in ships;

    they were merchants on the mighty waters.


They saw the works of the Lord,

    his wonderful deeds in the deep.


For he spoke and stirred up a tempest

    that lifted high the waves.


They mounted up to the heavens and went down to the depths;

    in their peril their courage melted away.


They reeled and staggered like drunkards;

    they were at their wits’ end.


Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble,

    and he brought them out of their distress.


He stilled the storm to a whisper;

    the waves of the sea[b] were hushed.


They were glad when it grew calm,

    and he guided them to their desired haven.


Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love

    and his wonderful deeds for mankind.


Let them exalt him in the assembly of the people

    and praise him in the council of the elders.


He turned rivers into a desert,

    flowing springs into thirsty ground,


and fruitful land into a salt waste,

    because of the wickedness of those who lived there.


He turned the desert into pools of water

    and the parched ground into flowing springs;


there he brought the hungry to live,

    and they founded a city where they could settle.


They sowed fields and planted vineyards

    that yielded a fruitful harvest;


he blessed them, and their numbers greatly increased,

    and he did not let their herds diminish.


Then their numbers decreased, and they were humbled

    by oppression, calamity and sorrow;


he who pours contempt on nobles

    made them wander in a trackless waste.


But he lifted the needy out of their affliction

    and increased their families like flocks.


The upright see and rejoice,

    but all the wicked shut their mouths.


Let the one who is wise heed these things

    and ponder the loving deeds of the Lord.

Blog Continued: I’ve been looking for more work to add to my three jobs, since a lot has been canceled due to COVID, or say presidents week. I was hired immediately for another cleaning job, and I thought it was favor to suddenly be hired, and allowed to work alone so soon. I at first felt like I wanted more time to be trained in their system, however said yes cause God knows I needed the money. To make a long story short, it took extra time because I’d guess 2/3s of the sheets, bathroom rugs and towels were stained. Plus what was on the inventory list, was incorrect. So I spent much time looking for things that shouldn’t have been there, and removing stains, and much more I’m not gonna mention here. At the end of the day, I couldn’t sleep the whole night, I needed to explain everything, and was moved from one person to 2 person cleans (which I totally understand and said I thought that was a good idea so I can see how they’d handle such things.) At the end of the day, it somehow felt like I was sabotaged even though we’re in good peace, because now I don’t see any work for two people that’s available the days I’m available so far. I am exhausted. And yet I saw the glory of the Lord fill the room as I finished. I have four jobs now, and it feels like I’ve lost it, however I know that I haven’t. Perhaps its a test. Although being in a storm, the question arises, why am I still in this storm. Lord, you are hope. 

A day later…

And now I shall finish this particular note. That yesterday I finally tithed after an awesome convo with my sister. A special number the Lord gave me. And I was instantly filled with peace that absolutely lifted me. And honestly ever since. It’s been a peace, and a letting go thing. I’ve applied for more work, and questioned on that of course. I finished filing my taxes. 🎉 I called my old student loan and they said they couldn’t help, I applied to consolidate and was rejected for that one. I called to get my food card off of pause and they weren’t taking calls, something not working on their end. I made my kids a sandwich with sour faces, and a frozen tai food with angry yells. Not to say that that felt great, however I understand, and must press on knowing that things will get better. Good food usually makes people happier right! We all told our truth, and peace arrived. Not perfection, but peace.

I took a shower, and received peace from the waters and the steam. Now that is God made! I had therapy yesterday and I learned again that I’m not crazy. I had the amazing sozo class last night and learned again (however much much more) about the atmospheres we put off. Why certain things continue to happen. So, I’ve needed to reset my internal world here, and definitely in the process of that, while declaring financial breakthrough. Reset! Reset that internal world for change. 

I received more peace with an encounter with Jesus in my transformation class this morning. And here, have decided to share what saddens me and embarrasses me. To reveal, that even in the craziest of storms, we can have peace. And that is all due to King Jesus. Through these times that feel unbareable, and even crazy making….he showed me his beautiful thick mist, his wonderful glory and that is a free gift. Invite him in, invite him into whatever it is you don’t understand. And he will do the rest. And to that we can say, cheers…and rest.

Psalm 24 Niv

Of David. A psalm.

1 The earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it,

    the world, and all who live in it;

2 for he founded it on the seas

    and established it on the waters.

3 Who may ascend the mountain of the Lord?

    Who may stand in his holy place?

4 The one who has clean hands and a pure heart,
    who does not trust in an idol
    or swear by a false god.

5 They will receive blessing from the Lord

    and vindication from God their Savior.

6 Such is the generation of those who seek him,

    who seek your face, God of Jacob.

7 Lift up your heads, you gates;
    be lifted up, you ancient doors,
    that the King of glory may come in.
8 Who is this King of glory?
    The Lord strong and mighty,
    the Lord mighty in battle.
9 Lift up your heads, you gates;
    lift them up, you ancient doors,
    that the King of glory may come in.
10 Who is he, this King of glory?
    The Lord Almighty—
    he is the King of glory.

love to you!


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